Afternoon tea review: NGV Tea Room

I always try to have my birthday off work if it's at all possible. This year I managed to swing not just 1 but 3 days. Tom and I will be having 2 days in Melbourne and then 2 days in the beautiful Yarra Valley. Top of the agenda is eating. I am quite looking forward to it!

Today is the first day of the special long, long weekend, and I was lucky to spend a delightful afternoon with one of my favourite people in one of my favourite places. My friend Anna is a children's writer and academic whom I have known for over 20 years (we met in high school) and who lives in Melbourne. Her birthday happens to fall the day before mine, and every now and then comes an opportunity for us to celebrate our birthdays together.

I tend to shun parties in my own honour, finding it awkward to be the centre of attention. I have only ever had two birthday parties in my life: my 6th birthday party was not a great success (as you will deduce from the attached photograph at left which commerorates that day). The only other birthday party I ever had was a joint 18th birthday party with Anna. In those days we had many joint friends, and both of us thought that having a joint party would take the spotlight (and the pressure) of each of us as individuals. It was held at a restaurant in Canberra now closed but which I still remember for its lovely desserts. Anyway, that birthday party was a great success. We were chuffed that everyone we invited actually came, and even more chuffed that we both, surprisingly, had a good time.

But back to the present day. Today Anna and I had afternoon tea at the NGV tea room, with browsing at the NGV bookstore before and after (of course) and capped off with a glass of wine at La Vite Buona, a lovely wine bar which makes you feel like you're in a musty French cellar (but in a good way!).

Now, I just love the idea of tea rooms in cultural institutions, but sadly they are so often disappointing affairs with no elegance whatsoever. They are usually uninspiring, over lit, sterile feeding pens with overpriced bain marie slop and dreadful chairs dragging constantly over bare floor surfaces. Many of these places feel as inviting as the cafeteria at IKEA, but without the lovely Dime cake you can at least get at the otherwise soulless IKEA cafe. And usually no one knows how to make a cup of tea in these 'tea rooms' of the modern day cultural institution (I note that apparently in England there are many good tea rooms and even champagne lounges in cultural institutions; that is not generally so here in the colonies).

I am delighted to report that the NGV tea room is quite refreshingly elegant, yet understated. It is a proper, modern tea room - not a cafeteria nightmare.

We had a seat right on the balcony edge, so we could peer and sneer at the comings and goings in the lobby below with the lovely water wall providing a restful backdrop. The only gripe about the setting was that the seats were just far too low and deep - a common sin.

The tea room does offer a three tier platter but we decided instead to just order a couple of plates of sandwiches and a small petit four each. This proved to be an excellent idea. The sandwiches, whilst a little expensive for what they were, really were quite delicious and creative. The selection of teas was very satisfactory. The petit fours were delicious, but it was very hard to decide what to have from such a tempting selection.

The NGV tea room proved a great location for a relaxing cuppa and catch up with an old friend, with very good food. Service was friendly, if a little bit patchy at times. Those uncomfortable seats though were not a delight, and it was a bit pricey. Overall, it gets a seal of approval with 7 out of 10 on the Scott Scale.

The picture below shows some of the food and tea ware. And Anna's leg - you can see how impractically low both the lounge and the table are. But the food looks, and was, good.

Afternoon tea review: Gooromon Park, Hall

Surprisingly nearby to Canberra there are many delightful rural areas full of rolling hill vistas, boutique wineries, and gourmet food providores and cafes. Each time I venture into the countryside, which is not very often, I vow to see more of the local region, to try all of the local wines, to eat all of the wonderful seasonal produce. Did you know that the Canberra region is one of the main truffle producing areas in Australia? That it is famous for its cold climate ones, notably Riesling and pinot noir? It's so easy not to appreciate how much there is so close to where one lives. But, then again, there are only so many hours in a weekend (48), and it can be hard to find the time to enjoy the local countryside by the time one tends to one's own gardening and household chores, reading of the weekend newspapers, grocery shopping and cooking up the forthcoming week's supply of soups and casseroles, occasional socialising and family duties (this weekend was my father's 60th birthday party; my sister and her husband, who live in Goulburn, hosted a really lovely surprise birthday for him).

Also this weekend, however, Tom and I found time in our hectic schedules to take the 20 minute drive out to Hall, which is a very pretty area of rolling hills so close to Canberra you can (unfortunately) see the western suburbs from some spots. I had wanted to take afternoon tea at the Homestead Cafe at Gooromon Park for some time now, and fixed that now was the time for us to wile away an afternoon on the veranda of a country cottage and enjoy some homemade delights.

Well, we did not book early enough for the veranda, and the popular parlour was booked for a (what else?) hen's night afternoon tea, so we just had a seat in the regular cafe. The house is an old weatherboard, relocated from Canberra. The whole place has a quite nice rustic, but not twee, feel about it.

The food was really good, especially the sandwiches which were delicious (so often overlooked) and the savoury snacks. The sweets were all very nice too of course, as was the complimentary glass of champagne. The tea selection could have, in my opinion, been a little better, but I'm not really complaining about it - it's just that they could offer a little more choice of nicer teas for not really much more money; say, a selection from T2 or The Tea Centre in Canberra. In many settings, I would not have found the floral china to be charming, but in this setting it was. It was a very relaxing afternoon in the country, with good food. I therefore happily recommend high tea at the Homestead Cafe.

On the Scott Scale, it gets a solid 7.5 out of 10, which would be an 8 with better tea. That puts them on equal footing with the Ritz-Carlton in Singapore.

Afternoon tea review: Mint Hotel, Manchester

We stayed for a couple of nights at the simple but lovely Mint Hotel and enjoyed their surprisingly good (not to mention good value) afternoon tea. They had a lovely selection of sandwiches, nice scones, and nice, not too heavy cakes. The Piccadilly Lounge is a lovely place for people watching.

It gets a solid 8.5 out of 10 on the Scott Scale.

That makes my current rankings look like this:

1. Peninsula Hong Kong 9.5/10

2. Lovejoy's San Francisco 9/10

3. Mint Hotel Manchester 8/5/10

4. Mandarin Oriental Hong Kong 8/10

4. Westin Melbourne 8/10

6. Ritz-Carlton Singapore 7.5/10

7. Four Seasons Hong Kong 7/10

7. Hyatt Hotel Canberra 7/10

7. Langham Place Hong Kong 7/10

7. Regent Singapore 7/10

7. Sheraton on the Park Sydney 7/10

7. Swissotel The Howard London 7/10

Afternoon tea review: Swissotel London

Just back from a whirlwind European trip. We had a lovely time but of course now I am struggling with the post-holiday blues (for which apparently the only cure is to book another holiday). We went to Singapore, London, Winchester, Manchester, Berlin and Amsterdam. We spent most of our time in Berlin. I had never been to Europe in Winter before. It was quite cold!

I did of course manage a couple of afternoon teas. Tom and I met with his sister Christina, who has been living in Switzerland the past few years, at Swissotel the Howard hotel in London on a chilly afternoon for afternoon tea. We had their traditional tea but on reflection I think we should have had their special TL afternoon tea, which includes fun little cakes in the shape of London icons such as Big Ben (see picture).

The weather was perfect for indulging in tea and scones. We also had sandwiches and pastries. I thought the cakes and scones were very good and I enjoyed the tea. I thought the sandwiches were a bit dull. The Mauve Bar is quite nice, but I found the chairs to be far too low.

Overall, it gets a 7 out of 10 on the Scott scale.

Asian high tea (kind of)

This past weekend Tom and I went to Melbourne, which is always a nice thing to do (I still miss living there, I must admit).

We stayed with Tom's parents in East Melbourne, near to my old flat in Richmond and we had a walk around Bridge Road and down to the Gleadell Street Markets. I bought a couple of Chinese boxes that I had been eyeing off for over a year (I bought them as a birthday present to myself, with my birthday being later this week). We also saw a movie at the Palace Como and had a nice Japanese dinner at the great restaurant across the road, just like old days :)

Over the weekend we also went to the Oriental Tea House in South Yarra, which is a nice place to get a late night yum cha or practically any kind of fancy tea you might need. There were having an Oriental style high tea, in which we partook. It was basically a selection of savoury and sweet dim sum with tea. It was quite nice although somehow not quite as special as I'd hoped.

Sydney photos

Weekend in Sydney

Recently I had a few days in Sydney for work and stayed for the weekend. I decided to try afternoon tea at the Stamford Circular Quay. I kept my expectations low, given that hotel teas in Australia are often disappointing. I had planned (for some years actually) to try afternoon tea at the Harrogate Tea Room in Pyrmont, but much to my consternation I discovered they'd closed their tea shop. Vexed but not defeated, I tried the Stamford (as I happened to be staying there anyway).

I am pleased to report that it surpassed my low expectations, and was even pleasant. It is held in the very old fashioned style bar in the heritage part of the hotel (think gentleman's club - fireplace, smoky mirrors, leather chesterfields etc). The food was actually quite well chosen - the sandwiches (always a barometer for me) were interesting, and there were some little hot things too. The tea itself was quite interesting too - they use a brand called Ronnefelt, German and available only the the hospitality industry. I had oolong and it was very nice indeed. I was able to spend an hour or so there nibbling away and sipping as I read the paper by myself and I found it all very relaxing.

The next day I caught a very over to Balmain, whence I had never been before. I had planned to visit the famous Adriano Zumbo, allegedly an Australian version of Pierre Herme (apparently the former being a protege of the latter) - and having experienced one of the jaw droppingly beautiful Paris outlets of Pierre Herme, where macaroons are displayed in jewellery cases, I had been looking forward to visiting Adriano Zumbo for quite a few years (ever since I read this article). Unfortunately, when I got there I saw what looked like a Depression-ere breadline outside the store. The macaroons may be heaven-sent, and I do like a good macaroon, but I'll never know because I am not about to line up for them no matter how good.

I did however enjoy a lovely perambulation along Darling Street from Balmain to Rozelle, enjoying two flea markets and a lovely book fair on the way (plus I got a coffee and a rather good eclair from another, less popular patisserie down the road), and eventually found my way to Norton Street where I saw a film (The Farewell Affair, and quite it was too) and browsed Berkelouw's before catching the light rail back into town - the first time I had ever caught the Sydney tram. It was quite good - why they are taking so long to expand the line further west and around the CBD is anyone's guess.

All in all, a very pleasant Sydney diversion.

Afternoon tea review: Rydges Capital Hill

Something fascinating has happened in Canberra: after years of the Hyatt reigning unchallenged as the monarch of afternoon tea in the Capital, the nearby Rydges Capital Hill has decided to serve a 'high tea' every Sunday. It's really an afternoon tea of course (and you do know the difference I'm sure), but nevertheless how exciting to have a bit of competition. Although the 1980s Rydges atrium is not quite on a par with the elegant 1920s Hyatt lounge, I thought the venue at least had potential to be a charming place for tea. So along we went to try it out.

Now, I must say that we went along on only their second weekend, so they may still have kinks to iron out (well, they do have kinks to iron out). And there are some positives: unlike the buffet-style Hyatt, they serve tea on a traditional three-tier platter. You sit in a proper chair at a proper table, which makes it all far more comfortable than being forced to sit akwardly in a deep sofa. The room is potentially quite pleasant, although it was a little chilly and the mismatched china (soon to be replaced I was informed) and the ghastly, overly loud and utterly inappropriate waltz music on a sticking CD booming through a dodgy sound system really did not help.

The food - at best it was pedestrian, I'm afraid, although pleasant enough for the less discerning and/or those more interested in the sweets than the savouries. The sandwiches were predictable (cucumber, egg and smoked salmon, all on white bread), and the scones were horrible (tiny and hard), but there were also some agreeable mini quiche and some pleasant petit fours.

Tea selection was minimal but adequate.

For $40 there was also a complimentary glass of (very sweet) sparkling wine.

Service was enthusiastic yet tardy.

Overall, I think it has promise, but it needs to work on it a bit. For now, it is a 5.5 out of 10 on the Scott Scale. They could aim for a 7 or 8 if they work at it.

Different types of tea rooms

With all of my talk about afternoon tea I have been rather neglectful of a different kind of tea room that has been emerging in Australia - that is, the Asian-style team room serving cold tea drinks that make the most perfect refreshment on a hot summer afternoon.

I recently discovered Ten-Ren's Tea Cafe (there are two of them, seemingly identical, opposite each other in Swanston Street). So far I have tried their kumquat green tea, watermelon green tea and plum green tea. My favourite is the kumquat. These cold drinks are absolutely delicious on a hot day. Next time I will try one of their cold milk tea drinks. I also love the no-nonsense decor of the cafes which feel just like they have been plucked right out of a bustling Hong Kong side street.

Iced teas are perfect for a summer afternoon. I make my own black iced tea at home by simply filling a container with cold water and putting in some of my favourite black tea leaves and leaving overnight. I then serve it poured over ice the following afternoon with a bit of fresh lemon or lime. I never add any sugar.

Afternoon tea review: The Westin Melbourne

Yesterday my generally low expectations for hotel afternoon teas in Melbourne was finally proven wrong when Tom and I enjoyed an excellent tea service in the lobby of the Westin Hotel.

The Westin does what they call a 'contemporary high tea' on weekends. Now, leaving aside this frequently perpetuated misnomer (a true high tea being a light and informal early evening meal served from a high table, as opposed to an afternoon tea or a 'low tea' served from low tables, such as this one was), I must say I was most impressed. This is easily the best value afternoon tea I have had at any Australian hotel, and among the best in terms of its excellent and interesting food and tea selections.

The light and airy foyer is a pleasant venue with lovely large windows looking over City Square and busy Swanston Street (there was a trapeze show happening in the square during our visit, which provided much diversion). The tea selection is quite interesting, focussed particularly in various green and other herbal Jing teas, although there are also a small selection of more traditional black teas. The teas are served in attractive glass pots and cups, to allow for appreciation of the tea's colours. The food was very good. It is based around some sort of healthy 'superfoods' theme, which is all earnestly explained in their menu. It really was a very generous serving, set out over not one but two three-tier platters: one for savouries and one for scones and sweets. As you may recall, I often think that afternoon tea purveyors neglect the savouries, which I often find the most enjoyable part of the meal, but that was not the case here. We had tasty meat and vegetable wraps, delicious roast pumpkin sandwiches, and lovely smoked salmon mini-bagels. The scones were served with a lovely fig jam and a strawberry jam, as well as a choice of cream or marscapone. The petit fours were small enough to eat daintily and were delicious. Service was attentive and friendly, yet also pleasingly relaxed and not uppity or stuffy.

At $45 with endless tea or coffee, it is among the pricier afternoon teas available, but the generous and delicious food selection and the interesting varieties of teas make it very good value. The Windsor charges about the same and I have to say the Westin is absolutely superior to the Windsor, which is resting on the laurels of its utterly undeserved reputation as "the" place for afternoon tea in Melbourne.

I had only one complaint: like so many other venues, the chairs at the Westin are absurdly deep and very uncomfortable. They are huge tub-style things that are impossible to sit in comfortably. I don't know why so many places insist of having these stupid low, deep chairs. At least the Windsor has comfortable high chairs at high tables - but that is the only aspect of afternoon tea that the Windsor does better than the Westin.

If not for the chairs, this tea would probably have been my first perfect score for an afternoon tea in Australia. As it is, I am giving it 8 out of 10 on the Scott Scale, which actually makes it my top-ranked Australian hotel for afternoon tea.

Incidentally, the current top Scott Scale rankings for afternoon tea are as follows:

SCOTT'S TOP TEN TEA VENUES (at Jan 2010)

Peninsula Hong Kong 9.5/10

Lovejoy's San Francisco 9/10

Mandarin Oriental Hong Kong 8/10

Westin Melbourne 8/10

Ritz-Carlton Singapore 7.5/10

Four Seasons Hong Kong 7/10

Hyatt Hotel Canberra 7/10

Langham Place Hong Kong 7/10

Regent Singapore 7/10

Sheraton on the Park Sydney 7/10

Afternoon tea review: Conservatory at Crown

Today we braved the hordes of tourists in shorts and fanny packs admiring the gloomy glitz of Crown Casino (where there was a crowd-pulling Christmas extravaganzza show seemingly every 5 minutes, despite it being 2 days after Christmas) to try afternoon tea at the Conservatory restaurant (which is not really a conservatory, although it does have some big windows). Of course, it's not really an afternoon tea as such that they provide, it's a buffet tiffin, so there is a more substantial food offering than an ordinary afternoon tea, including various dim sums and similar hot finger foods, as well as sandwiches, salads, scones, lots of sweets (mostly chocoloate), fruit and ice cream, as well as a crepe station.

I thought the venue was nice enough, except for the awful Christmas music and the fact that all of the patrons were bunched up at one end of the room. The buffet was generous and the range of food was quite good, with the hot food and sauces being particularly good. The tea, imported from Germany ($6 for a small pot, which to me seemed rather pricey, but nothing compared to the $10.91 for a bottle of sparkling mineral water)

On the Scott Scale, I give it a 6.5 out of 10. The food itself was quite good, and the room was potentially quite pleasant (if they had not crammed all of the patrons on top of each other, leaving half of the room empty) but I did not think the service was quite as conscientious as it could have been, and I did think that it was very expensive at $38 a head (not including any beverages). That said, the food was good and the vast majority of people there - mostly large groups - all seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Quality control for tea rooms

If you've read any of my previous post about tea you'll know about my dismay at the variable standards of afternoon tea services in Australia's top-end hotels. It seems to me that there is a need for some good, honest quality control of afternoon tea in Australia.

In Britain, the UK Tea Guild maintains strict criteria for memebership and publishes a guide book of its members. Membership of the Guild is a status symbol for high-end establishments in particular - it's like a five star hotel rating - and the membership guide published by the Guild provides a vital quality assurance service to afternoon tea patrons.

I wonder if the Guild could be convinced to open an Australian branch?

Afternoon tea review: Hotel Windsor, Melbourne

This is my most serious afternoon tea review to date. It concerns a Melbourne institution: afternoon tea at the Windsor Hotel, the last true remaining "grand" historical hotel in Australia (and in dire need of a serious cash injection and facelift - everything about this graceful old lady is faded, even if the bones are very good; the chair fabrics in the dining room in particular are quite grotty and ought to be replaced without haste). Today I took my first afternoon tea at the Windsor and admittedly my expectations were high, given its reputation. Those expectations were, while not quite shattered, certainly they were repudiated by the reality. My assessment: this is a hotel that is resting on the laurels of its reputation and history. On the Scott Scale, it earns only 4 out of 10, and that would have been even lower had it not been for the very high quality of the three tier stand presentation and in particular the pastries, which were easily the superior of any hotel pastries I have come across in Australia. Also, the staff were very polite and friendly.

So, if I liked the pastries so much and the food was so nicely presented (which it was, credit where it's due; also, I liked the white linen table cloths and napkins) and the service was fine, then just what, I hear you ask, was the problem?

First, there is the faded grandeur of the room, which badly needs tarting up, and those grotty chairs. Secondly, the sandwiches were very dull. Note the delicious looking sandwiches in interesting bread rolls in this photograph from their website and which I had been looking forward to were substituted, today at least, with some very bland, predictable (egg, salmon, cucmber) fingers on soft white Tip Top style bread possibly bought from the local no name supermarket. Thirdly, the scones were overly sweetened. Okay, sweet scones may be to some tastes. They are not to mine.

Fourthly, and this is by far the most serious problem in my opinion, is the rather shocking fact that the "tea" aspect of afternoon tea at the Windsor seems an afterthought. There is no selection of leaf teas. You do not even get your own tea pot. No, instead the staff walk around carrying huge pots of stewed tea ("Windsor Blend", apparently, and it is the same strong flavoured tea they serve with breakfast - I asked) and they pour it out to you one cup at a time. The tea tastes like the tea you would get on an airplane and is served in the same manner. When it is not being poured, the pots sit stewing on various hot plates at "stations" around the room, rather like filter coffee at large American diners. This utter disdain for the tea itself is unacceptable, particularly in an establishment claiming to do it better than most.

There is also the matter of the price. At $45 on weekdays, increasing to a totally unjustifiable $65 on weekends for what sounds like a rather over the top "indulgent buffet", this is one of the most expensive afternoon teas I've had in Australia or Asia. Yes, it includes one glass of house sparkling wine, but it is simply not worth the price given the overall quality of the experience, and certainly not given the poor attention to detail regarding the choice, quality and serving of tea.

The Windsor does not live up to its reputation. That said, my searingly honest and learned account of afternoon tea at the Windsor published in this obscure and little read blog will doubtlessly make not a shred of difference to the cash cow the Windsor has in its afternoon tea. On a weekday afternoon it was full, especially with women taking photographs of themselves and their food. Bookings are essential and I am sure that the hotel will continue to do very well for themselves out of this nice little earner they have got going. That is, until I do get around to opening my tea salon/champagne bar, and educating the masses about how good afternoon tea really can be!

Afternoon tea review: Langham Melbourne

Had afternoon tea at the Aria Lounge of Melbourne Langham yesterday afternoon. It's quite a nice venue, fairly cosy which is good for winter afternoons. We had the "traditional" afternoon tea (as opposed to the "chocolate" afternoon tea, which sounded rather too much, or the special children's tea, which was a school holiday special and which, according to the staff, had proven extremely popular). The traditional afternoon tea is served on a pleasing three tier platter. The food itself was not exactly exciting: the sandwiches were totally what one would expect (cucumber, egg, salmon) and there was nothing innovative or surprising about them, which was a little disappointing, and they were all served on bland, soft white bread, whereas I think some bread variety is a good thing to have on the plate. The scones were adequate; the clotted cream was very good. The pastries were pleasant without being overly exciting. There was a good choice of teas (including my preferred orange pekoe). It was very reasonably priced at $29 per person, and the staff were quite friendly although it was very difficult to attract their attention in order to procure a second pot of tea when one wanted it.

I must admit that in winter I would like to see a bit more variety offered - cucumber sandwiches are fine and well in summer, but it would be nice to see some little hot treats on a cold winter's day. If I ever do open that tea salon/champagne bar that I often dream of doing, I would have a seasonal menu and I think I'd also have an option for a purely savoury tea - sandwiches, scones, maybe some little baby quiche or something, and a little fruit is really all I need most of the time; often I leave the lovely pastries on the plate as they seem too rich and sweet.

But again I digress. Overall, this is a good, traditional, reasonably-priced afternoon tea experience in a pleasant lounge. It's nothing overly exciting. I'd say it's a very good introduction to the afternoon tea experience for a novice. On the Scott Scale, I give it a 5 out of 10.

Afternoon tea review: Grand Hyatt Melbourne

Today Tom and I took his parents to afternoon tea at the Grand Hyatt on Collins Street here in Melbourne. Recently refurbished and looking very posh, they do a daily afternoon tea which is $40 for the set tea (scones, sandwiches and a cake selection).

On the Scott Scale, I give the Grand Hyatt a 5 out of 10.

The room is a tad on the bland side and could do with a bit of colour to spruce it up a bit, although it is quite interesting to have a view into the totally open kitchen (although my back faced the kitchen). The service was fine, as were the sandwiches and the scones (although they only had plain scones, no fruit, which was a little disappointing). More disappointing was the limited selection of black teas. No Orange Pekoe, no Russian Caravan. How can I say this: two types of breakfast tea (especially the omnipresent "English Breakfast") is not really an appropriate tea to have for afternoon tea, and yet so many supposedly posh hotels seem to think otherwise.

The set tea was $40. This did not include a glass of champagne ($16 extra for a glass of Chandon NV)

Overall, it was a passable, but by no means superior, experience.

Is afternoon tea becoming common? And does it need a "modern twist"?

It seems to me, as I sit here enjoying my afternoon cup of Russian Caravan, that everyone has "rediscovered" the art of taking tea. After my last post on the pleasures and perils of tea I did a little googling, and found that not only is afternoon tea all the rage, but that ever more hotels are seeking to squeeze a profit, and some high class kudos, from this most gracious of rituals. Could it be that afternoon tea is becoming, shall we say, common?

My partner Tom once observed, I think quite astutely, as we were sipping on tea and nibbling cucumber sandwiches in the lobby of some five star or other somewhere, that putting on afternoon tea is almost mandatory for any hotel that wants to classify itself as being a bit posh. That is, if a hotel has illusions to grandeur (and accompanying prices), they'd better be able to put on a decent tea.

Of course it's not all about credibility. In her book "Hotel Babylon", Imogen Edwards-Jones wrote that hotels make a huge profit on afternoon teas by using what is otherwise a dead space (usually a lobby or bar that is otherwise empty in the daytime) and for a minimal outlay of some sandwiches and pastries they charge a massive mark-up and make a tidy sum in return. And why not, so long as the product they are delivering is up to the mark and everyone is happy (this is NOT the case with the Sofitel Melbourne and their very poor afternoon tea at Sofi's Lounge, which I highly do not recommend).

What I find interesting now is that many people claim to do afternoon tea with a "modern twist". Does this mean that guests are seated on Le Corbusier chairs, one wonders? It seems not. It seems to relate to funky chinaware and "non-traditional" foods, such as lobster blinis instead of cucumber sandwiches. How intriguing it all sounds.

The modern twist on teas has been spearheaded, appropriately enough, in England, as outlined in this article. I must say that I was pretty interested in the "men's afternoon tea" and the "afternoon beats" tea with a DJ at the Mandeveille and Swissotel Howard Hotels respectively. Mental note for my next visit to London there. The photo I have used here is from the Swissotel's website and I must say, much as I like wicker furniture and potted palms, I do find this rather cool room pretty funky indeed. Maybe tea with a modern twist is a good idea?

Tea rooms across the Commonwealth from New Zealand to Canada and even here in little old Melbourne, Australia claim to be serving their afternoon teas with a "modern twist", or perhaps more accurately a contemporary twist. The Landmark Mandarin Oriental in Hong Kong also claims to do a modern twist on afternoon tea, although I am not sure what the modern twist is. With that decor though I am keen to find out.

More examination is required, by me, to determine whether the teas are in fact served with a modern twist, or whether this is some marketing ploy to convince high spenders that tea is not only for Mothers Day. And that is not necessarily a bad thing - I think everyone should enjoy the pleasures of afternoon tea, not only grannies. It is a dreadful social disgrace and tragedy that we ever forgot what a useful and civilised thing afternoon tea is. So giving it a modern twist can only be a good thing - so long as the fundamentals are still there, and for me that means a restful decor, good tea, and a good selection of savouries and bite sized sweets.

And for the record, I am not at all keen on the increasingly popular "chocolate" teas or afternoon teas comprising only sweets - to me, that is just simply too vulgar and ghastly, and not at all gracious living.

For some more information on tea venues in Melbourne, look here and here. For information on tea venues in Sydney, look here.

The pleasures and perils of taking tea

I am a self-procalimed snob and budding expert when it comes to afternoon tea. Here is a photo of my friend Lesley enjoying a gracious afternoon tea, prepared by me and presented in my gracious drawing room one typical afternoon.

Oh yes, I know the difference between afternoon and high tea. I know the correct ordering of a three tier platter (sandwiches, scones, petit fours). I have thrown many delightful and intimate champagne teas in my own gracious drawing room over the years. As for advice on how you too can create a lovely afternoon tea experience, here are my tips: (a) get some good leaf tea and learn how to make it well, (b) make yourself a good selection of sandwiches, (c) scones are hard to make well and require practice - I make mine by using cream and lemonade rather than milk or butter, (d) if in doubt, open some champagne and this will help you and thus your guests relax. This book and this book have some good tea sandwich ideas.

But I digress. Even more importantly than my own tea triumphs, I have studied extensively the presentation and delivery of afternoon teas at venues all over the world and I think I know what does and does not make a good afternoon tea. So much so that I am toying with the idea of writing a book on the subject, to expose all of those over-priced stuffy hotels that are ripping off ignorant people that know no better by charging them through the nose for inadequate afternoon tea ceremonies (Sofitel Melbourne is the major culprit in this category - my recent afternoon tea experience there was a dreadfully over-priced affair with uppity service by snobby and self-congratulatory staff who assumed all of their customers knew no better).

For now, I shall share with you a few of my more positive afternoon tea experiences and give them a rating out of 10 on the Scott Scale of Overall Afternoon Tea Experience, with 10 being equivalent to the sort of tea you could expect if you were invited to one of my little drawing room teas and 1 being something like the Sofitel Melbourne. There are three major criteria: 1, the venue must be charming and attractive (it can be a modern or old-fashioned decor, a library or a conservatory, that detail matters not as much as does the fact that whatever it is, you feel inclined to linger there); 2, there must be a good selection of leaf teas available - tea bags are NEVER acceptable - and ideally a little pot of hot water ought to be served alongside the china tea pot so individuals can lighten the tea to their own taste as required; 3, the chairs and tables must be comfortable but above all they must be conducive to elegant eating. This means upright chairs and high tables, not absurdly deep sofas and ridiculously low coffee tables. Oh yes, of course there is a fourth criterion: the food must be up to par, and all must be presented in little dainty bite sizes, not stupidly oversized chunks.

So, number one on my list with 9 out of 10 is the Peninsula in Hong Kong - the world's most perfect scones, a lively yet elegant room, comfortable chairs and delicious sandwiches. Not to mention perfect service. It only misses a 10 because it is always so busy and the queues of hoi polloi waiting for a table is rather off putting. So here is my tip: don't look for a table until about 5.30pm and make an early dinner of it. It was 2004 when I stayed at the Pen and enjoyed this lovely afternoon tea, but it is still seared into my memory as an almost perfect tea experience.

Number two on my list, with an impressive 8 out of 10, is Lovejoy's in the Noe Valley district of San Francisco, which was a total surprise find during my recent California trip. This tiny little venue has friendly service, a cutesy antiquey sort of interior and really very good sandwiches. It was one of only two decent pots of tea I had in America (the other was at the famed Fairmont Hotel, sort of San Francisco's answer to the Peninsula; I found its Laurel Court tea room pleasant, service attentive and food quite good, but it lost some points for a total lack of natural light and far too many loud children on the afternoon I was there; I did also consider taking tea at the Palace Hotel, which has a beautiful winter garden, but chose to go to Lovejoy's instead and really enjoyed the friendly, cosy intimacy of Lovejoy's so it was a good choice I think).

Number three is a tie between the Ritz-Carlton in Singapore, which gets 7 out of 10 for a cavernous conservatory sort of room, attentive service and creative petit fours, and the Langham Place in Hong Kong which also gets 7 out of 10 for its creative choice between an English or Asian style afternoon tea and pleasant balcony room overlooking the hotel foyer.

Number five is the Sheridan on the Park in Sydney which gets 6 and a half out of 10 for its small little gallery/library sort of room and a menu which includes an interesting selection of savouries that you can mix and match to make your own tea menu from at a reasonable price.

Number six on the list is a bit of a sentimental favourite: the Park Hyatt in Canberra. It's not really a formal sort of tea; in fact, it's a self-serve buffet, and the sandwiches are really nothing great to be honest. But the room is totally delightful: it is in the centre of this historic hotel building which is based on Frank Lloyd Wright's now destroyed Imperial Hotel in Japan, and is bathed in natural light and has restful garden views on both sides from its terraces. It really is a relaxing venue, even though it's right in the middle of the hotel's hustle and bustle. It gets 6 out of 10.

Number seven is a tie. The Four Seasons Hong Kong has a nice room, attentive staff, good food, good choice of tea. But why oh why the view onto a freeway? There is a desperate need for some landscaping to improve the outlook of this otherwise charming room in this very impressive, modern hotel. They get a 5 and a half out of 10, which would have been higher if someone had thought about the view a bit more. The Mandarin Oriental in Hong Kong is as good as the Four Seasons, but it's a just bit too pricey and stuck on its own reputation, in my opinion.

Number nine is the Langham in Melbourne, which has a nightclub-feeling room and a good three tier platter with friendly staff but could enhance their tea selection. They get 4 out of 10, which is a bit harsh really but they have good scope to improve (unlike the Sofitel Melbourne, which sucks and is not even rated).

Rounding out the top ten is the Inter-Continental in Hong Kong. Average service, bland food, poor choice of tea - but truly an amazing view which does tend to compensate for a lot. They get 2 out of 10 for the view. Also, their chairs are not so comfortable.

Honourable mentions, mainly because they provide elegant and peaceful respites from the hustle and bustle of the busy cities they are located in the middle of (and this must surely be one of the prime markers of a good afternoon tea, truly allowing you an hour of repose) are the Exclesior Causeway Bay (though it needs a makeover, it's a nice break out from my favourite busy-all-the-time shopping district), the QVB Tea Room in Sydney, the Park Hyatt Saigon and the Caravelle in Ho Chi Minh City (this is a bit off topic, but they also have a great rooftop bar at the Caravelle).

This list not exhaustive of course - I have not been to any of the famous London hotels renowned for their afternoon teas, and I still have quite a few venues across Asia to visit yet. And of course, there are many teas here in Australia I have yet to sample and judge (the Windsor in Melbourne, the Observatory and Victoria Room in Sydney, and Palazzo Versace on the Gold Coast are notable ones I need to try out), but you can rest assured that not only will I visit these venues over time, but that I will critically and honestly assess them on the Scott Scale and duly report my findings right here. Henry James was quite correct in observing that few hours in the day are as civilised and agreeable as the one devoted to the ritual of afternoon tea, but life is far too short for poor teas.